Climate Change Frustrated by Lack of Acceptance

climate change_0343v2Berkeley , CA – Climate Change, a global phenomenon that potentially threatens the very existence of every living organism on the planet is disappointed with the level of engagement most people have with this world wide disaster in the making.

Despite more than a century of effort to fundamentally alter the environment, Climate Change remains a controversial figure often derided as a hoax or conspiracy by deniers and skeptics. In an interview this week Climate Change expressed dismay and surprise at the continued levels of personal repudiation across a broad section of the world’s populous, but was none the less upbeat about the future.

“I have made consistent progress in the last few decades, altering the atmosphere and temperature of the planet, and I am well on track to exceed expectations for this quarter,” he said adding, “my core metrics are simply off the chart and I am confident that someday I will realize the dream of making this planet pretty much uninhabitable.”97percent

Climate Change was quick to share credit for its success. “I couldn’t do it without the help of my whole anthropogenic team: ozone, methane, nitrous oxide, carbon dioxide, and of course a general ignorance of basic chemistry”, and added emphatically, “People often think of CO2 as a loss leader but ocean acidification is just the start; wait until the oceans of the world start out-gassing their carbon sink, that’s going to be real game changer”.

While there’s no question that Climate Change is a juggernaut of a global shift, which may result in an ecological disaster of Permian-Triassic proportions, its skeptics persist. But even with 97% of scientists supporting the hypothesis that human activity is primarily responsible, Climate Change is not willing to give up on the scientific community.  “Who are these 3%?” he asked rhetorically. “They should read Phil Plait’s Bad Astronomy blog! Why don’t they just get on board for the big win, or loss, depending on your perspective.”

In response to critics who insist that radical shifts in the environment have happened before and point to strong evidence that natural phenomenon may also be at work, Climate Change responded insistently, “Volcanism and meteor impacts are weak sauce and only wish they had the impact of human activity”. In a reflective moment Climate Change paraphrased the astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson saying, “The good thing about Climate Change is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.”

Climate Change as a concept has, of course, suffered its share of missteps including a badly bungled rebranding effort in the late 1980’s when Global Warming and Global Cooling were clumsily folded into the more inclusive terminology. “The name change left people confused and unhelpfully created a lot of denial wiggle room,” Climate Change conceded, but added, “The public should rest assured that I will be here to seal your fate in the future.”

Confronted with strong evidence that deniers are becoming a far fringe element and that governments and global corporations are making significant strides to lower greenhouse gas emissions and countering its effects, Climate Change responded candidly, “Hahaha you’re all doomed, you might as well throw in the towel now, rather than making yourself miserable as you wait out your inevitable demise”.

Expanding on that theme with a bit of barely concealed schadenfreude Climate Change smugly concluded, “It’s taken 4.5 Billion years for Earth’s atmosphere to evolve to where it is today. The bottom line is, if you do a big damn stupid run away experiment on your atmosphere, it doesn’t matter what you do, you’re all going to die”.

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