Scientists Propose “Healthy” Soda Serving Sizes

sodaportionsv2_1229Ingrid and Jakki with new “healthy-sized” sodas.

A report out today from the University proposes new healthier portion sizes for sweetened and carbonated beverages. The new recommendations are based on evidence that humans rarely encountered such carbohydrate-dense foods in evolution and our bodies were just not designed for such a “wicked sugar rush”.

Citing well documented scientific evidence that a diet “packed full of pixie sticks” may lead to serious health problems such as heart disease and diabetes, the report proposes reducing the standard single portion size from 12oz (355ml) to 0.075oz (2.2ml). One member of the committee that wrote the report, who wished to remain anonymous, noted, “Everybody knows that sugary soda isn’t good for you at all, and you probably shouldn’t drink it ever, but if we advocated cutting everybody off cold turkey I think we’d have riots in the streets”.

The report recognizes the ubiquitous nature of sodas and colas in modern society and acknowledges their wide spread popularity. Noting that the report’s recommendations may not find wide acceptance with the public, the committee chairman replied, “humans have adapted to every dietary selection pressure in history except the one where you eat a kilo of refined sugar every day.”

Tests this afternoon in the pipetmonkey labs resulted in a lot of under-caffinated, low-blood-sugared students who, despite their initial enthusiasm for the idea, had to be shut up in the 4C cold storage room for quite a while, until they calmed down.




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